Why?

Yesterday mid-afternoon, tragedy struck a land close to my heart. Norway, rocked by a lethal bomb, then shaken by senseless shooting at a youth camp. My heart goes out to my norwegian friends, so many who are grieving and have been left with this unanswerable question: Why?

At this point we know little about the Norwegian man arrested for this crime or his motives, though at first these crimes seemed to be politically motivated. Whether this was an orchestrated attack or the work of a lone lunatic, we do not know. No matter what the answer to these questions may be, it could never satisfy the grievers' painful longing for their lost one, and the question of why?...

Why were their lives snuffed out this way?.. Why did they have to be there?.. Why couldn't they have stayed at home, or been elsewhere?.. Why will i never see their smile, hear their laughter or their voice again?.. Why couldn't i be in their place?.. Pain incomprehensible, inconsolable, mourning the loss of a loved one we once held so near...

Too well i know these questions which can never be answered, and answers that never give us peace. For some, these questions may haunt us for the rest of our days. Yet in the midst of these unanswered questions, we can seek true peace from above, a peace that surpasses understanding and carries us though life's unjust blows..

Pain, 
no words could remove 
nor vengeance appease, 
a cruel cross to bear 
in this life so unfair..

Peace,
no words could give 
nor vengeance uphold,
to carry us through 
this pain unconsoled..
 
Why?
we can't comprehend 
it troubles our mind,
of these questions let go
so peace we might find..
 
Lord,
give us the strength 
we'll need to go on,
as the one we so loved
now sees a new dawn..

My prayers are with all who have lost loved ones through these tragic events.

May 'the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus'
Philippians 4:7 (KJV)

What land is this?

For three days, my people sang,.. again. Scheduled a year earlier than usual, this past weekend the Estonian Youth Song and Dance festival drew crowds from across the country, in fact from across the continent to the 2011 European capital of culture, Tallinn. With over 22000 singers and over 5000 dancers, these festivals have always been immeasurable, not only in size, but in depth of music, message, emotion and spirit.

For three days, i felt moved,.. again. After retreating back to North America, attending this festival was not initially on my schedule. I had planned to leave by now, but for some reason i've remained, delaying my travel plans,.. for now.

For three years, more or less, i've felt somewhat detached from this land and it's people. Not only due to overwhelming disappointments, deceit and injustice i've encountered here, but perhaps also due to a sense that it's time to leave. Though i was born and raised in Canada, a land many call 'the true north strong and free', my roots have always reached deep beneath the ocean to this strange and tiny land. And wherever i may go, somehow i know this will never change.

So "What land is this?" as the songwriter writes. A blatantly harsh, but honest assessment of this land, sung in an encore by Siiri Sisask, and echoed by thousands of voices in the choir. Here are the lyrics, my loose translation...

what land is this? there's not one mountain here
only endless forests, marshes and bogs
the people here are full of amazing power
and strange are the stories of their songs.


what land is this, once night consumes the day
then the day's so long it swallows up the night
they both pass by the same way here
while foreigners rest, locals do work


what land is this, is it truly only suitable
for a person to be a slave here?

who will once gather up this hurt, 
so love may come and end the pain?

what land is this, where mercy is endangered?

what land is this, where freedom's buried in the ground?

where is righteousness, and the peace of justice?

where should afflicted ones seek justice?

what land is this? compassion here has rusted,

rust as shame, within a heartless chest,

i could flee from here, running,

yet something holds me back still.

what land is this, that has it's hold on me,

and with what it holds, i do not know.

it does not cover me, nor does it nourish,

yet with itself it draws me along.

what land is this, can i understand it?
what land is this, can i live without it?
what land is this, who could leave 
all of it's children motherless?

what land is this?...
view video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmmUOpLQnLs

A hundred thousand stood to their feet as they understood the depth of these lyrics, which echoed the complex love and pain we all endure for this strange land. What is it that keeps us here, what is it that draws others here? With all it's mystery and misery, what power brings us together? What draws our hearts and compels us to sing?

For three days, our nation came together, sang together, danced together, drew together, become as one voice. Can three days of singing change or ease the injustice, pain, mistrust and envy that has infiltrated our society?

So, is singing the only glue that holds us together? And if it is, for how long? For the next year? The next month, or even through the next day? It certainly helped us to survive in the midst of our enemies, but is it enough to hold us together today? Or should something stronger bind us together? Something that could truly hold us here,.. something that could hold me here...

Yes, these three days i felt moved. Twenty years ago i was moved to make a life changing decision, to migrate to this land, and despite all the difficulties it remained a move i didn't regret. What moved me was what i considered to be a divine call, to come and do my small part in making my father's land, now my land a better place. For years this firm commitment held me here through thick and thin, yet i must now admit, my reasons to stay have eroded away.

Now i've been severely moved, uprooted if you will, due to lack of ethics and justice so well portrayed in this song. You could say i fled as my parents once did, but this time the reasons were different. i fled as a victim of the deceit, negligence and injustice of my own people, in my own land. My father's land failed to show justice or compassion, nor had it covered or nourished me at my most crucial hour, instead with relentless ferocity it devoured what little remained.

Listening to this song, 'What land is this?' was quite a moving experience, as i've spent the past three years wrestling with this same question. Yet as powerful as this or any other song was, three days would not be enough, nor would these songs be enough to move me here again.

I still wonder, is singing really the only glue that holds our people and land together? Some might say  it's our 'success stories' we so love to share with others, though strangely not with one another. Or does our tiny nation need something deeper to carry us on, something to bridge the hollow void that's been left by years of pain and tyranny? Where is our hope for the future, the trust in our brothers, and a divine faith that could heal our hollow hearts? And why when Monday comes, are our songs so quickly forgotten again?

What land is this? ...and what will it take to bring us together again?