Emotional Abandonment

The womb is an interesting place, at least i imagine it was within the almost 9 months after i was conceived. Warm, damp and oddly soothing. A secure space, well protected from the muffled noises i can hear from outside these soft walls. Alone, yet not isolated, I am mysteriously connected with the being who is carrying me. In mostly flowing and gentle movements we make our way together. Like being in the stomach of a whale (no offence to the being carrying me), we seem to be floating in a sea which only i cannot see. Though i cannot see, i most certainly can feel all the emotions of this being. Love, joy, surprise, worry and concern. I have no idea of the source of these feelings, though i sense that i'm central to it all. 

Days flow into weeks and weeks into months, my entire soul is becoming more integrately woven together with this mysterious and amazing being. It seems this being is giving me life! As connected as we are, i sense something is missing, though i can't quite put my tiny developing finger on it yet. It's so strange, the more attached i become to this life giving being the more detached i start to feel. At times i feel that i am loved, at other times i feel like i'm unwelcome here, perhaps even unwanted. I sense love, fear and rejection, all combined into one. What is the source of these strange feelings? Are these simply fleeting thoughts creating needless doubt in my mind? Or is there something more to it? 

This secure space is beginning to feel less secure. Though it's physically comfortable and seems to sustain me, i sense i need to escape from the bombardment of confusing emotions seeping through these walls. Yet i'm trapped, there's no escaping, as these emotions continue to be woven into my tiny developing soul. Who exactly am I? And who's am I? Why am I even here? Why was I even created? Little did i realize, these questions may take a lifetime to answer. 

 To be continued..