New Year’s Grace

The past year has has been quite eventful in global events as well as in most of our personal journeys. It has been an unsettled year to say the least.

As America tries to find a path out of crushing debt, the Euro looses it's footing with one nation after another teetering on financial abyss. We watched as the Arab spring drew into a long summer and autumn, with Mubarik resigning from a 30 year reign and Gadafi defiant till his death. Dictators have been toppled in many parts of the world, or pompously laid to rest as this past week in North Korea. Yet each of these countries still hold an uncertain future, some have already plunged into civil war. Russia’s upcoming 'free’ elections are being challenged, and even the most secure leaders are standing on shaky ground. The ground actually shook wiping out Japan with a devastating tsunami, while peace loving Norway was shaken by a senseless massacre. And we've already forgotten that Bin Laden, a man hunted for 10 years was finally killed and buried at sea. The global changes of 2011 far eclipse the historic events of 20 years ago when the Soviet Union crumbled from within.

Our personal lives have not been without turmoil either, and our individual future may seem as unsettling or unstable as the world is today. We've lost jobs, businesses, friends and loved ones. We’ve lost savings and investments trusted to ruthless financial managers. We've lost trust in government, banks, and entire financial systems, driving many to the streets in protest and occupy institutions around the world starting with Wall Street.

Peace today is as elusive as it’s ever been. The global economy is more challenged today than it was during The Great Depression. And people are as ruthless and greedy as ever.

Greed is contagious, envy a poison. We all want more, we all want to live as well as our neighbor, and better than we did yesterday. We have a propensity to expend most of our energy pursuing happiness through material gain. Yet the happiness we find is fleeting and temporal at best. And so the cycle goes on, as we continue to expend our resources to fill a hollow hole, a bottomless pit. 

As we look ahead into 2012, i don't want to make any doomsday predictions. The cost of our greed is great and there’s no question that we will all pay for it. Not only on a personal level, but on a global level as has become so evident in recent revelations. The world indeed is crumbling due to man’s greed. Is there anything we can still do to soften the effects of what lies ahead?

Perhaps each of us can do a small part to make this world gentler kinder place. Perhaps be a little less anxious while waiting for the teller at the bank, or show a bit of grace to those who cut us off in traffic. Perhaps we can smile a little bit more to our clients and to those who serve us. Or share some of our bread with those in need rather than looking at our own shrinking pocketbook. And maybe, just for a moment, put aside what we feel are our rights and consider others more important than ourselves...

This coming year will undoubtedly be more challenging than the last, and we’ll need much more Grace to get through it all. Grace is something that we can’t buy or earn, but grace is something that’s freely given and we can freely give. It is something we all need, especially in times of turmoil. More than anything else, Grace can help bring peace and joy to our lives, regardless of how difficult the road may be.

My prayer, regardless of what the year 2012 may bring, that it would be the greatest Grace giving year for all of us.

Wishing you a Happy and Grace filled New Year!


- Robert

Seasons

A couple of days ago i received news from a close friend that her mom had passed away on Christmas Day. We knew she was terminally ill, but no one thought it would all come to an end on such a day. This fact took me back for a moment, and at first i didn’t know how to respond.

This has been a difficult week for many. Last night another friend sent a text message asking prayer for a co-worker who’s in a coma after a warehouse accident. A life left hanging by a thread. Just days ago he had celebrated Christmas completely oblivious to what the next days would bring. 

A day that should be full of joy suddenly became a day of grief, a day that many celebrated others mourned, and the day a person died another was born.

Joy and grief, life and death, the beginning and end are things we can’t escape. At that moment i thought it strange that life (as we know it) doesn’t last forever. Neither does joy, celebration or laughter. There comes a time to shed a tear, a time for the heart to ache, even as the world around us celebrates.

Seasons of our life can change suddenly. A bright sky becomes dark, a peaceful day becomes a storm, yet all these seasons will pass. The sky will clear and the storm will subside. And for those enjoying the bright sky and peaceful day, this too will pass. Ecclesiastics echos so well the seasons of our lives...

There is a time for everything, 
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.
                                                                             Ecclesiastics 3:1-8

Tomorrow’s New Years Eve. For some it is a time of celebration, for many it will be a time for reflection. A time to reflect on the pain, the loss, the difficulties and struggles they have endured this year. It’s also a time for hope, a time to look forward to a new season, a time to trust each of our seasons to The Child who’s birthday we celebrated just a few days ago.

I pray This Child, The Prince of Peace would guard our hearts and paths though all the seasons we encounter in the coming year.
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What am I here for?

It’s almost an existential question. Most of us ask this at some point along our journey: What is my calling in life? What was i created for? What is God’s grand purpose for me? As we wrestle to find the the reason for our existence, we often overlook the purpose of the moment, the purpose of this hour or this minute of our lives.

What is my purpose for walking down this street, or waiting in the bus station. What is the purpose of this traffic jam or missing my flight? Perhaps meeting a specific person at a place or time? Each moment can have a purpose, a divine calling to help someone in need, to give someone an encouraging word, to share a smile with a stranger. How often do we miss the needs of all the people that cross our paths while engrossed by our own needs, our own search for purpose and fulfillment.

Each moment we live presents an opportunity and purpose. It’s right there, right now, within grasp wherever you may be. We simply need to take a look around us and find an opportunity to bless others, which can be the  purpose for this moment of our life.
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Christmas candle

I don't want to be a grinch here, but for many reasons i've never really been a big fan of Christmas. Sure it’s supposed to be a time of giving and good cheer, much light, music and celebration, and that it seems to be...

Christmas, most of us know it's not really Jesus' birthday. Centuries ago Christians decided to take a pagan winter solstice celebration and christen it Christmas. There's many theories about the real date of Christ's birth, but i won't speculate on it here. The date itself is not of any real significance except perhaps symbolically, as it’s celebration of light at the darkest time of the year, just as we celebrate Christ bringing light into this dark world.

Yet i'm left wondering, how much the Christmas season and celebration itself brings true joy to people? I also wonder how much it might take away? We talk about peace, joy and goodwill, yet Christmas seems to become a time of increased busyness and stress. All the increased expectations, what to buy, what to give, what to wear, what to eat,.. so much preoccupies our minds. All this on top of our day to day burdens.

Myself, i prefer a simple Christmas. I don’t like to blinded by lights and tinsel decorations, or bombarded by flashy commercials that tell me what 'the perfect gift' is, or even glazed Christmas messages propagated by some churches as they fill their pews.

Sure, not all churches focus only on the sweet baby Jesus to please parishioners, some do remind us of the more sobering truths. The truth that we still live in a fallen and dark world, the truth that Christ wasn't born to start a revolution an make everything right, nor did He come to make our lives easy or eliminate pain. But He came to bear our pain, He came to feel the hurt and rejection, He came to suffer all that we suffer. He came to humble Himself, He came to have compassion and understanding, and to become acquainted with all our troubles.

I know a pastor in Colorado who keeps a nail in his pocket every Christmas season, to remind him that there's much more to the Christmas story. It's not only about a baby king that was and still is worshiped and adored. It’s also about Christ being crucified in agony and bleeding for our sins. It’s about Him taking our punishment, not as a martyr but as a substitute. It’s about giving His life to give us liberty. A sobering thought while we envision Him peacefully laying in a manger...

Yes, this world is still a dark place. For me Christ is the candle in the darkness, the candle that can bring light to the darkest part of my soul, the candle that could also light another soul, which in turn could light another soul or even a thousand souls. It is this flame that brings hope. It’s something no flashing lights, ringing bells, blinding billboards, or extravagant Christmas gifts and celebrations could ever bring..

So as i celebrate Christ this dark winter season, one candle has all the light i need.

Have a blessed CHRISTmas!

Cold muffin greeting

It was a two day journey, four flights hoping over both large and larger ponds. Rain in Chicago, drizzle in Amsterdam, wet in Copenhagen, it all made me feel like a frog puddle jumping. As i approached my former homeland, i sensed the dreary dark city that loomed in the distance.

I was on the last leg of my re-routed flight, quite a transition from the KLM flight, unreliable as it was. But the KLM flight was friendly. People smiled, i struck up a conversation with a gal waiting at the Chicago gate which we continued after arriving in Amsterdam. Quite a transition when i sat down on the Estonian air flight, and greeted the gal sitting beside me saying ‘Tere’, to which she responded with a short 'Tere' and then stared out the window. No eye contact at all, hardly any more response than i got from the cold muffin served for dinner.

Five hours late, I finally arrive in Tallinn but my luggage didn't. Personnel at the airport was a matter of fact, no smiles or apologies, just the minimum amount of words to assess the situation. It would eventually take another 22 hours for my luggage to be recovered, though they initially stated it should arrive on the last flight the same evening. The same was true of the person who delivered the suitcase the following evening, all done with cold blooded professionalism.

Met up with some old friends on the following days, which always warms the heart. But dealing with supermarket cashiers, bank tellers, mobile phone company personnel left me somewhat chilled, and i'm quite certain it wasn't from the winter air.

Saturday i travelled to Tartu with my friend Mike to look at a car. We arrived at the dealer, found the sales staff were about as friendly as a frozen muffin. They gave Mike the keys and pointed to the car he was interested in. Again, only the minimum amount of words necessary were exchanged. No motivation, no sales pressure, as if this dealer had discovered the fountain of apathy.

Since they offered no suitable vehicle, we took a walk in the Town Square were we were pleasantly surprised to discover much music and dancing, plus an entertaining log cutting and firewood stacking competition. Positive spirits, clearly these people weren't drinking the same fountain as the car dealer... It all gave me flashbacks to the summer song and dance festival http://footprintblues.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-land-is-this.html. People smiling, singing and dancing together for a couple of days. Seems Estonians reserve their smiles only for special occasions..

So i'm here for the next few weeks. Being Christmastime we should remember what to be cheerful for. And as much as i'm turned off by the over commercialized and somewhat fabricated Christmas cheer in North America, i certainly miss those friendly smiles here. Yet people on both sides of the pond seem to miss the main point of it all. The Christmas message should a place of transformation, a message of good news and true joy, not some fabricated entertainment whatever form it may take.  

Things are not as they seem

This week has been a whirlwind of memories, reflecting on events of the past years and how they have influenced my journey in life. Choices made, free choices some may say, have all been molded by others who have raised, taught and coached me along the way.

We all portray an image, pictures others see based on actions or words, sometimes even the words of others. These images reveal little of who we are, and often are quite a distortion of the truth.

True, some traits can be revealed in a short period of time, but to really know someone, time is needed, and ears are needed. A long journey of listening can give a glimpse of a person’s true being, though a lifetime would still not be enough to know someone thoroughly.

So why is it we create an picture, and opinion, a judgement of another without walking a listening mile with him? We quickly draw conclusions, give wise advice that often does not apply. And then we wonder why there’s no change, progress or development in the relationship. We look for the fast fix, the quick return on our invested energy and time.

There are no quick returns or conclusions on this journey. Only the privilege and pleasure of discovering another life. There's no discovery in judging the surface, but by looking much deeper to find the beauty of this intricate tapestry of life.

After a non-writing month

November was international writing month.

I had planned to take this month to finish a book i’ve been working on, but writing inspiration has somewhat eluded me. So many other issues, troubles and worries (health and financial) have occupied my mind. Even my blog posts has been almost non-existent, except for a couple of thoughts i shared on my poemdrawer blog. This morning however my thoughts have engaged on a couple of topics.

The first thought was about grace givers and grace takers, but i’ll expand on this a bit later..

Second thought trigger was a letter from a friend in the Ukraine i received this morning. A former employee is asking for a 300euro sponsorship to take a course. A few years ago this would have not been a question for me, but for the past couple of years i’ve been carefully dividing a small shoestring budget that’s been amazingly stretching and multiplying itself with little effort on my part. Even as i’ve been giving, sometimes sparingly and sometimes genreously, my resources have not really decreased during this time. It's like the story for the oil being poured from the jar.

The pastor preached about giving this past weekend. Funny, same topic in both churches i’ve attended (online in Colorado and offline in Canada). The Bible talks about abundant giving, giving above and beyond what we are able. This means more than our standard 10% tithe to the church or an occasional donation to a non-profit. It means giving the last of what you have and trusting God for the rest. Reminds me of 16 years ago when my finances were really dry. There were moments where i felt moved to give while i had little to give. And when i did give, some amazing doors of provision opened.

Today i’m refelcting on God's provision and pondering where i can or should give. After all this, I'm amazed that there's still oil in the jar...

Jumping the gap to transformation

I don’t remember who made this brilliant statement: 'You can’t jump across cross a canyon in two jumps, your first jump has to be long enough to make it all the way!' How ofted do we look at life from this perspective, planning our steps to cross a divide yet facing leaps to reach our objective.

True, there are some goals and objectives that need much courage and strength, perhaps a long climb out of a valley to reach a mountaintop, or the crossing of a dry desert to reach a promise of abundance. These are journeys that many of us face at some point in our lives. Most challenges are negotiable to us, though our journey sometimes comes to a deep valley or canyon that is somehow too big or challenging for us to cross.

The scripture talks about a canyon that divides God and man. It’s a canyon man cannot cross no matter how hard he tries, the greatest leap will never reach a distance sufficient to reach God. So all our best efforts are futile. God however provides the bridge of grace and reaches over the divide to us.

This act of amazing grace is what Christians call salvation. We have been saved from a canyon of sin and hopelessness, not by our own good effort but by God’s grace. Yet many Christians, after receiving God’s all encompassing grace fail in it’s application in their day to day lives. We fall back into a performance mode, requiring ourselves and others to meet our standard in faith displaying actions.

Talk about transformation seems to be self focused on what I can do, or what God can do through ME! So often we revel in self amazement. Yes, we do acknowledge God and give Him lip service in our praise (almost as an obligation), but how much of our lives are truly submitted to Him? Are we more focused on what God does for/through me (perhaps receiving praise for all we do), or are we humbly submitted to serving Him and others? What is the underlying objective of our actions?

In the end all our goodness and deeds are as filthy rags to God. This is true not only before, but also after receiving His gift of salvation. Our performance and good deeds may impress our boss, pastor, neighbor and friends, but it will never in itself satisfy God. So what then is He looking for in me?

Simply an acknowledgement of who He is, and an acknowledgement of who we are in him. It’s not a matter of proving our value, worth or position; but acknowledging and applying the fact that we are adopted kids of The King! And what does a good king do? What does his royal family do?

First and foremost royaly has been called to serve their nation, serve their people. And this is exactly what we’ve been called to do (to be a royal priesthood. 1Peter 2:9). Have you seen rulers and leaders who are intensely focused on bringing themselves or their family glory? How much praise do they truly receive from their subjects? Usually not much, other than lip service, the noise they create for themselves. Dictatorships are often built on self glorification, and seldom last for long.

But look at leaders, rulers and kings who sincerely serve their subjects. Are they not honored by their subjects? Serving people is the essence of the heart of God, and envelops the transformational attitude and acknowledgement of position He seeks to instill in our lives. We have not been called to be children of The King to receive praise, but to serve His subjects. This requires a jump across the divide between our mindset to God’s heart. In this remembering who we are, our position and responsibility.

Lip service is cheap indeed. We can make much noise about God and ourselves without making any lasting impact at all. However, serving The King’s subjects is where we can make a true impact in transforming societies and lives, bringing glory to God through our humble service and obedience to The King’s agenda, not ours.

No Goldilocks, no bears

A number of days ago, someone decided to enter my little house in the forest. They didn’t eat any of my porridge or break any of my chairs, nor did the police found any evidence that Goldilocks might have slept in one of my beds. But what they did find was a broken door knob, and just a couple of things missing that should have been there. And no, the three bears weren’t guarding the place either.

It was early Tuesday evening when i got the message from my realtor that someone had broken into my place by the lake. Not a good feeling, but no big deal either,.. or so i thought. I’ve gained and lost much more in my 47 year journey than this small building could ever contain. So in the big picture this incident seemed quite minuscule at first.

And minuscule it is, yet a few hours later that evening it all started to sink in. An awful and sickening feeling that someone uninvited, someone unwelcome, someone unwanted forced their way onto my premises and into my life. I’ve never had quite that feeling before, perhaps because i’ve never been burglarized before. Sure, i’ve had cars broken into and things stolen from me while traveling, business partners cheat me, but i have never had anyone unwelcome enter my place, a place i once painstakingly rebuilt and renovated, furnished, lived, entertained, rested, and slept in. This was my territory, my abode.

When you put your heart into something and it fails, breaks or crumbles it can be quite a rough experience to swallow. But when someone else damages, steals or violates what you’ve poured your heart into and comes into your personal space, it feels quite different. It feels almost as if part of your life or soul has been taken from you. Even when the violation causes minimal physical loss or damage, as it was in this case.

As i try to make sense of my emotions in all this, it occurs to me that God has created us as territorial beings. I’m not really one who’s preoccupied with possessions, though i must admit to babying my cars and motorcycles in my younger days. This experience however has reminded me how important my territory and personal space is. Most things i own are replaceable or fixable, but violation of my space and my territory is not.

I think of my parents who fled their homeland during an occupation. Their land and territory was suddenly in the control of someone else. It hurts when your territory is occupied. No matter where they may have gone, no matter how beautiful the new place may be (or even those who remained in their territory), the pain of one’s territory being occupied remains.

The occupation of my territory was just for a moment, yet it was a clear violation of my space. It’s not so much about what they did or took (though if caught, they should clearly make some kind of restitution), but it’s the fact that they crossed both a visible and an invisible line into my life. This is the type of violation, a territorial violation that can dismantle one’s security.

The scriptures talks a lot about territories. Look through the Old Testament, countless stories of land being taken from people and people take from their land. It also talks about kingdoms of darkness and light, spiritual territories we can’t see with our physical eyes. Ephesians 6:12 says our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities of the spiritual realm.

Hmm,... principalities... (turn on the lightbulb!) It’s all about the control of territories! Our lives, our families, our homes, our nations are not about possessions, but about territories! The enemy has no right to enter our space, yet that’s exactly what he tries to do time after time and again! So what is securing our territory? How do we defend it?

Well, you certainly can’t count on the three bears to be around to guard your porridge, chairs and beds. It’s just not possible to always protect your possessions from thieves! But what you can do is protect your most important territory, the territory of your heart. The scripture says: ‘Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life' (Proverbs 4:23). This is the territory the enemy wants to violate! Look ahead to Matthew 6:21 where it states: 'Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also'. So if your heart is on your possessions, the enemy’s already got you!

So what are my most valued treasures and territories? And how should i guard them?
_

What i am not learning..

Ever notice some things come in circles. A kinda deja-vu feeling you get sometimes, perhaps experiences you re-live time and time again. Why does the same thing always go wrong? After a long journey, why does it seem i’m no further ahead? Have i not learned to travel from point A to point B? Have i not read the compass correctly?

Our lives are a journey. At times we do re-visit places, sometimes they are fond memories which bring us back. But it’s the not so fond memories that seem to haunt us. We try to get away, but then we re-live that memory again, albeit often through a new experience which makes it seem like we’re walking in circles. And then we ask why do we end up back in the same place in life? Don’t i have my destination plotted? Don’t i have a vision of my goal?

The Bible tells us stories of many journeys. one of the most well known is the 40 year trek it took the Israelites to reach the promised land! FOURTY YEAR TREK?!! They should have reached at least China by then, or crossed the Bering sea to Alaska, or even all the way through South America in 40 years! But they couldn’t find their way out of a wilderness of just a couple hundred square miles...

How often are we stuck in the same place with our lives? It just doesn’t get any better, though it should,.. we don’t travel any further through we could,.. it’s as if we can’t break the invisible chain that no one else can see! And if it’s so, are we really free?

The people of Israel were freed from Egyptian chains, yet were not freed from their own invisible chains. They needed to learn a lesson they somehow didn’t understand. They still had the mindset of a prisoner. True freedom, and real movement does not begin and end with physical freedom. It begins with the renewing of our minds. Sunday in church, i heard testimonies from two ex-convicts who have recently been pardoned and are now free from prison. One of the guys shared this statement: "Penitentiary is a place, but prison is a mindset”

How many people are physically free, yet imprisoned by their minds? Someone within the walls of a penitentiary can be more free than someone wandering in freedom, in a desert or concrete jungle. Were the Israelites free to wander for 40 years? Yes, physically free, but their mindset imprisoned them to place they could not leave.

What is our mindset? Are we imprisoned by our own thought patterns, or are we truly free to see our destination, and the path God has ordained for us? Do we keep going in circles oblivious to the lessons we should learn, or do we learn and move ahead in our lives? What is my destination? What is my goal? What do i need to learn to move on from here? Something to ask yourself the next time you have a deja-vu moment, or find yourself where you’ve been once before...

Cars like me..

I met up with a friend in Colorado Springs this morning. Car shopping wasn't in our plans, but after i got a return call from the owner of a 1972 Datsun 240z, he kindly offered to drive me to see the car. This former beauty had certainly seen better times, being one of the finest sports cars of it's day. Now in a critically sad state, it's paint faded and body mutilated by an unqualified surgeon, she somehow cried out for a new master to restore this 240z patient to her former health and glory. And regardless of how deep my compassion may have been, i just knew i wasn't qualified for this job.

Next we headed down to see a 1984 Jaguar XJ6. A sweet looking car, the series III is arguably the most beautiful XJ6 of all. From a distance the misty blue car looked gorgeous, though a closer inspection showed cosmetic flaws covered by a cheap overspray paint job. Like an old wrinkled face, covered by a thin layer of make-up that somehow just doesn't quite enhance the subject's true beauty. Jags tend to be finicky too, and can let you down at the most critical moments. Even though she had been maintained well, Jag's inherent character would certainly continue to demand high amounts of attention in the future... kinda like some people i know...

Earlier in the day, i also viewed a 1960 Corvair sedan. It's long rough journey was clearly evident in the dings and dents throughout it's body, though it's sheet metal seemed to be solid and relatively rust-free... at least until you discover it's rusted out floor. You just don't notice some things at first glance..

I started wondering how much we're like these cars. A cool Corvair, that seems solid but the bottom's rusted out,.. a beautiful Jag, though not the most cooperative,.. or perhaps like that 240z with great potential, if only it hadn't been neglected and mutilated by an unskilled wannabee...

Each of these cars needed the skills of a master craftsman to bring them back to life. Someone to sand down that cheap 'whitewash' paint-job, and apply a deeper luster to it's finish. A craftsman who could properly restore the floor, foundation, the soul and the body, not just apply Bondo patch upon patch.

Do we realize that a true restoration takes painstaking detail and time? How often do we look for the quick fix, spray a cheap cover over the cracks and flaws in our lives? Of course, diligent maintenance could have saved each of these cars from their current state. The same is true with us. How we maintain our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being has a clear effect on our future state. Certainly something for us to think about...

Fortunately there is one master craftsman available who can restore our broken and faded lives. Even after we've crashed and burned, He can take our wreck and not only restore it, but create a beautiful roadworthy legacy that many could follow. And even though He is The Master Restorer, maintenance still remains our sole (and soul) responsibility...

7 days in Utopia

it's the second film i've seen in a short while... An interesting golf story, at least for those of you who are golfers. Though i'm not an avid golfer, the film did bring home a message much deeper than the passion of the sport itself. What is important in life?

Many of us are driven to succeed. We are driven by our parents, piers, friends and colleagues expectations of us. Expectations to get ahead, expectations to succeed, expectations to be better than the rest and win!

But what happens when we don't meet these expectations? What happens when we fail to reach our goals. Is our value diminished, are we less than we could or should be?

to be continued..

Midnight in Paris

It's not very often i watch a film at the cinema. Recently i went to see a movie called 'Midnight in Paris'. An interesting story about a nostalgic writer who, while walking on the streets of Paris at midnight was invited to take a ride in a 1920's car which actually transported him back in time to the 1920's.

This writer had an obsession with the 20's, believing this was the era he should have lived in. As he travels back in time, he meets great writers and artists including Hemingway and Picasso, but also a young lady who is obsessed with the 1890's era, expressing that the 1920's are not interesting at all.

Eventually they are transported back to the 1890's where he sees that there's nostalgic and uncontent people in that era as well, and suddenly realizes our nostalgia actually creates a fantasy of how nice it might be to live in the past. The present (today) will be tomorrow's nostalgic past, so we should learn to appreciate the era we live in and make most of the moment at hand.

How often do we wish to see old times again? How often do we wish we could turn back time? The fact is that we never can turn back time, so we need to accept and make most of each moment at hand.

FishHouse

I didn't really listen to the sermon at church today. My attention was drawn towards a fellow to my left, nodding his head back and forth. 'I know that nodding! Is that Tiit?' i asked myself. As he stepped out of the church i quickly followed, but discovered it was not him after all. Still my thoughts remained on Tiit for the balance of the service. 

Tiit and his friend Raul were two developmentally challenged young men who would often attend our youth fellowship back in 1993-96. I hadn't seen Tiit in probably 15 years, so i started to wonder what ever become of him. The youth would always welcome him and Raul to our meetings, we talked and laughed and prayed and ate together. And though at times it was a challenge to relate, we still treated them as friends, perhaps even more special as if they were family. Unfortunately we've lost contact since those days...

A couple of years ago i ran into Raul, as a friend and i were walking in Kalamaja. Kalamaja is an old part of Tallinn, and this area's name literally translated means 'FishHouse'. Though historically this area had ties to the fishing industry and has a quaint character of it's own, over the past decades it's also become an area where the socially challenged tend to reside. Certainly not the safest or cleanest part of town, in places it seems life there is just as slimy and smelly as the fish works once was, just in a different way. 

Raul was walking down the street, looking weary, clothes filthy from a day of dumpster diving, but when he saw me an optimistic smile lit up his face, almost as i had always remembered him. I admit his appearance shocked me, since he always wore clean clothes when he attended our youth group. I hesitated in shaking his hand, Raul politely didn't reach out his hand either acknowledging his ratty appearance. We talked shortly, wished each other well along with a blessing, and my friend and i walked on to a restaurant to have dinner together. During that dinner i kept thinking about Raul wishing i had taken his phone number, address, or some contact information. Perhaps there might be something i could do to help him. 

I'm not sure it was a coincidence that i was reminded of Tiit and Raul today. As this fellow i saw in church today, many of us are challenged in one way or another and have need of a brother's fellowship and friendship. Unfortunately so often we shy away from relating to strange and needy people, especially when they seem a bit smelly and slimy. I know, it's much easier to look and walk the other way. 

So i was left wondering this afternoon, in the past 15 years have Tiit and Raul have found the kind of acceptance and love that each and every person needs? I'm not all implying that our acceptance and love towards them was perfect, far from it, but i can certainly say our caring was genuine.

After church, i walked in Kalamaja for a while, praying that perhaps God might bring Raul along my path again. I sincerely pray that there's someone in these mens lives who are caring and compassionate, perhaps sharing some fish and bread with them, along with the genuine love of Christ.

prologue: Sunday, 11 September 2011

God answered my prayer. I met Raul this afternoon, he was just as i saw him two years ago, coming from dumpster diving with two large plastic bags in hand full of empty bottles. He was happy to see me and exclaimed “God has blessed me today, i’ve earned over 30euros in just a couple of hours!” He then shared how he was working as a janitor for two months over the summer, but his employer never paid him wages that were promised. Sad when people take advantage of disadvantaged people, though it also made me angry that someone would abuse Raul’s trust. We walked together while he checked all the trash receptacles en-route for more bottles. You know, what others may have thought about Raul, his appearances or me walking with him, didn’t even bother me. I was glad God brought him along my path. I got his phone number, blessed him and we parted company. I hope to get together with him again next time i’m in Estonia.

Cardboard friendship

There's a saying in Estonian 'A house built of cardboard doesn't last'. Seems like a logical saying, since cardboard is not the the best material to withstand wind or rain.

Cardboard ('papp') is also an Estonian slang term for money or cash. This of course adds an interesting twist to this saying. Sure, money is often needed buy materials to build a house, but you certainly don't build the house out of cash itself.

I've often wondered how much this 'cardboard-money' effects friendships. How many friendships are built on a currency that continually looses value (in Estonian cash is appropriately called 'sularaha' or 'melting money'). Cash is just paper we put a value to. Not a strong material for building, is it?

A few days ago, a 'friend' sent me an email where he expressed his disappointment and anger relating to one of his investments going sour. I personally had no ties or financial interest in his investment, though as an act of friendship i initially helped him negotiate the deal, and later tried to help in resolving his dilemma. The situation's dragged on, he's understandably not happy with the situation, but now he's demanding i do something about it as if i'm responsible.

After reading his threatening demand, another old saying came to mind: 'No good deed shall go unpunished'. How often do we hold people hostage who have tried to help us? If someone has helped  us along our journey, is it our right to demand that person help us again in the future? Or should we be thankful, and consider it a privilege to have such good and helpful friends in our lives. Building a relationship on selfish rights or demands is building with cardboard. It just does not last.

Money has destroyed many friendships. The scripture says money is the root of all evil. It's true, one should keep away from those who are corrupt in their ways, for they can steal and destroy others for personal gain. So when unexpected financial turmoil erodes a friendship, i begin to question what the friendship was built with?

Flimsy cardboard just won't last, but a solidly built friendship stands the tests of time.

Humbly stubborn

Into each of our lives comes heartache, perhaps a rough blow to the soul. Mostly these heartaches pass, through a period of mourning, with hope in God and the restoring support of family and friends we get over it in time. Yet some along their journeys come across an unresolvable heartache, perhaps one or more debilitating events that seem so unfair, unbearable, and even unconsolable.

Job had more than a few of these blows. How did he respond after he had lost his home, wealth, and family? In his mourning he questioned why these things had happened, but from God there was no reply. Friends who came to console him, for days said nothing as they tried to comprehend the magnitude of Job's pain and loss. Only then they began to share their theories and advice...

There was much truth in what Job's well meaning friends said, though none of that advice applied to Job's situation. Job was seeking to find answers, find the truth behind his affliction. In the midst of his heartache, was he able to find the answers and purpose he so sought? Was he even capable of move on with his life until these issues were addressed?

Job sat in the dust. In deep depression and apathy he questioned the purpose of his life. In his pain he states that it would have been better if he were a stillborn, never too see life at all. Is this be the speech of a man with hope? Was he above his circumstances or did he succumb to his circumstances?

Job was humbled beyond what most of us would ever experience along our journey. Yet he was defiantly stubborn, not by waving his fist at God in his self righteousness, but by wresting with understanding and finding a purpose to his fate. Job was crying out for hope, which had been dashed in his life. A deeper heartache is hard to find.

In his wrestling did he resolve the critical 'why' question? Did he find new hope? Though God did eventually address him, all questions may have not been resolved. But one word from God, His address gave Job hope to move on. And as he did, his life was blessed again.

What are the struggles we wrestle with? Do we have a right to stubbornly seek an answer or resolution to our heartache? Or should we humbly accept our fate without resolution? Ignoring the pain and pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps? Many ignore the pain, and march on as a good soldier in battle, which eventually can lead to a callused heart.

Every person needs resolution to heartache, and if needed to stubbornly seek it, for without resolution true hope cannot be restored. The resolution need not be an answer to our 'why' question, but an understanding of God's will and sovereignty within our pain. As with Job, we should never stop acknowledging who God is, but in humble stubbornness seek resolution to our heartache, which in turn can bring restoration of hope, regardless how painful the process may be.

Friend consumption

Consumption. The world seems to be driven by it. The basics; shelter, food and clothing are universal and elementary needs. But it's our wants that really drives consumption, be it for designer clothes, fancy cars, luxurious houses, things that are clearly beyond our basic needs. We seek to 'improve' our lives with selfish acquisitions of goods and services.

Friendship.. we all need friends. But how do we define friendship? Is it by the same principles and values we base our consumption on? Is a friend only to meet my needs, wants and desires? How is it we evaluate our friends? How do we define friendship? Do look to friends to meet our needs be it material or emotional, or do we enjoy friendship on a mutual journey of discovery?

TW Manson has stated:
"Love does not begin by
defining its objects,..
it discovers them." 


True, friendship should indeed have an element of love. The scriptures say that without love, any deed we do is dead. Without love, without a heartfelt interest in a friend's wellbeing, we're just friend consumers, seeking what our 'friend' can do for me. So easily it becomes not a journey of mutual discovery, but a treasure hunt of personal gain. Our friends are those whom we can consume.

In Estonia there's a saying: 'An estonian's favourite dish is another estonian.' Sadly, this statement is so often true in many places, not only Estonia. Friendships based on consumption are doomed from the start. On the rare occasion where mutual benefit can be found, these 'friendships' may flourish for a time, but as soon as one party looses their benefit (or saps empty the other) the friendship quickly dissolves...

Love is the basis for true friendship. The love of a brother or a friend builds and strengthens relationships. Friends like these are hard to find. So where does one begin:..?

Perhaps by being a non-consuming friend, though this does make us painfully vulnerable. I know this all too well. Wisdom is needed to make the right choices, selection of friends. A friend who often reminds you that he's a friend may be suspect. A true friend does not need to remind or assure us of his friendship with words. His friendship should be apparent from his interest and actions, not words.

True friendship is actually a path of discovery. Time, openness and acceptance are three keys.  A true friend does not try to change a friend for his purposes, but seeks to find a deeper purpose to grow the relationship, not as an asset but as an endless journey of discovery. For a friendship based on discovery will never cease to grow.

Why?

Yesterday mid-afternoon, tragedy struck a land close to my heart. Norway, rocked by a lethal bomb, then shaken by senseless shooting at a youth camp. My heart goes out to my norwegian friends, so many who are grieving and have been left with this unanswerable question: Why?

At this point we know little about the Norwegian man arrested for this crime or his motives, though at first these crimes seemed to be politically motivated. Whether this was an orchestrated attack or the work of a lone lunatic, we do not know. No matter what the answer to these questions may be, it could never satisfy the grievers' painful longing for their lost one, and the question of why?...

Why were their lives snuffed out this way?.. Why did they have to be there?.. Why couldn't they have stayed at home, or been elsewhere?.. Why will i never see their smile, hear their laughter or their voice again?.. Why couldn't i be in their place?.. Pain incomprehensible, inconsolable, mourning the loss of a loved one we once held so near...

Too well i know these questions which can never be answered, and answers that never give us peace. For some, these questions may haunt us for the rest of our days. Yet in the midst of these unanswered questions, we can seek true peace from above, a peace that surpasses understanding and carries us though life's unjust blows..

Pain, 
no words could remove 
nor vengeance appease, 
a cruel cross to bear 
in this life so unfair..

Peace,
no words could give 
nor vengeance uphold,
to carry us through 
this pain unconsoled..
 
Why?
we can't comprehend 
it troubles our mind,
of these questions let go
so peace we might find..
 
Lord,
give us the strength 
we'll need to go on,
as the one we so loved
now sees a new dawn..

My prayers are with all who have lost loved ones through these tragic events.

May 'the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus'
Philippians 4:7 (KJV)

What land is this?

For three days, my people sang,.. again. Scheduled a year earlier than usual, this past weekend the Estonian Youth Song and Dance festival drew crowds from across the country, in fact from across the continent to the 2011 European capital of culture, Tallinn. With over 22000 singers and over 5000 dancers, these festivals have always been immeasurable, not only in size, but in depth of music, message, emotion and spirit.

For three days, i felt moved,.. again. After retreating back to North America, attending this festival was not initially on my schedule. I had planned to leave by now, but for some reason i've remained, delaying my travel plans,.. for now.

For three years, more or less, i've felt somewhat detached from this land and it's people. Not only due to overwhelming disappointments, deceit and injustice i've encountered here, but perhaps also due to a sense that it's time to leave. Though i was born and raised in Canada, a land many call 'the true north strong and free', my roots have always reached deep beneath the ocean to this strange and tiny land. And wherever i may go, somehow i know this will never change.

So "What land is this?" as the songwriter writes. A blatantly harsh, but honest assessment of this land, sung in an encore by Siiri Sisask, and echoed by thousands of voices in the choir. Here are the lyrics, my loose translation...

what land is this? there's not one mountain here
only endless forests, marshes and bogs
the people here are full of amazing power
and strange are the stories of their songs.


what land is this, once night consumes the day
then the day's so long it swallows up the night
they both pass by the same way here
while foreigners rest, locals do work


what land is this, is it truly only suitable
for a person to be a slave here?

who will once gather up this hurt, 
so love may come and end the pain?

what land is this, where mercy is endangered?

what land is this, where freedom's buried in the ground?

where is righteousness, and the peace of justice?

where should afflicted ones seek justice?

what land is this? compassion here has rusted,

rust as shame, within a heartless chest,

i could flee from here, running,

yet something holds me back still.

what land is this, that has it's hold on me,

and with what it holds, i do not know.

it does not cover me, nor does it nourish,

yet with itself it draws me along.

what land is this, can i understand it?
what land is this, can i live without it?
what land is this, who could leave 
all of it's children motherless?

what land is this?...
view video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmmUOpLQnLs

A hundred thousand stood to their feet as they understood the depth of these lyrics, which echoed the complex love and pain we all endure for this strange land. What is it that keeps us here, what is it that draws others here? With all it's mystery and misery, what power brings us together? What draws our hearts and compels us to sing?

For three days, our nation came together, sang together, danced together, drew together, become as one voice. Can three days of singing change or ease the injustice, pain, mistrust and envy that has infiltrated our society?

So, is singing the only glue that holds us together? And if it is, for how long? For the next year? The next month, or even through the next day? It certainly helped us to survive in the midst of our enemies, but is it enough to hold us together today? Or should something stronger bind us together? Something that could truly hold us here,.. something that could hold me here...

Yes, these three days i felt moved. Twenty years ago i was moved to make a life changing decision, to migrate to this land, and despite all the difficulties it remained a move i didn't regret. What moved me was what i considered to be a divine call, to come and do my small part in making my father's land, now my land a better place. For years this firm commitment held me here through thick and thin, yet i must now admit, my reasons to stay have eroded away.

Now i've been severely moved, uprooted if you will, due to lack of ethics and justice so well portrayed in this song. You could say i fled as my parents once did, but this time the reasons were different. i fled as a victim of the deceit, negligence and injustice of my own people, in my own land. My father's land failed to show justice or compassion, nor had it covered or nourished me at my most crucial hour, instead with relentless ferocity it devoured what little remained.

Listening to this song, 'What land is this?' was quite a moving experience, as i've spent the past three years wrestling with this same question. Yet as powerful as this or any other song was, three days would not be enough, nor would these songs be enough to move me here again.

I still wonder, is singing really the only glue that holds our people and land together? Some might say  it's our 'success stories' we so love to share with others, though strangely not with one another. Or does our tiny nation need something deeper to carry us on, something to bridge the hollow void that's been left by years of pain and tyranny? Where is our hope for the future, the trust in our brothers, and a divine faith that could heal our hollow hearts? And why when Monday comes, are our songs so quickly forgotten again?

What land is this? ...and what will it take to bring us together again?

Satisfaction

Recently i went on a canoe trip on an Estonian river with 45 kids. I noticed one fellow had quite a bit of artwork tattooed over his body. On his upper chest was tattooed this statement:

'Satisfaction is the death of desire'.


I thought it was an interesting statement, but i started wondering if i agree with it. In many Christian circles, we talk about dying to the flesh, or putting to death our fleshly desires. This tattooed statement at first seemed to prescribe to this thought. But is dying to desire really from where we gain satisfaction?

We can have many desires, some good, some not so good. Desire in itself isn't bad. I suppose it all depends on where the desire come from. God has placed desires in our hearts, good desires and hope. Selfish desires are the ones that never satisfy even if they are fulfilled. But when a good desire, hope or goal is not fulfilled, it can be devastating. Proverbs says 'hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life'.

A tree of life. Hmmm,.. maybe we shouldn't be so quick to kill our desires. If it's a tree, it must have roots, a trunk, branches and leaves. A desire can be good a fruitful if it's rooted in good soil, stands firm in storms and reaches out to give shade and shelter to others. It's leaves are green, and perhaps this tree of desire will give fruit in it's season. We are so fast to cut off the branches, or even cut and kill the tree of desire, thinking it would be pleasing to God, or perhaps as a defensive move to avoid disappointment and brokenness.

With death of desire, one may ultimately not only to the flesh, but to life. For many it become a loss of reason to live.

So it's true, a fulfilled desire does bring satisfaction and life, especially when it's unselfish and a God given desire. But a selfish desire can never satisfy, at least not for long, whether it's fulfilled or not.

Fjords and other art formations

I've spent this past week at a camp at the end of Norway's longest fjord. Skjolden is the name of the village located in this picturesque setting, surrounded by tall mountains, ice cold streams rushing down  granite walls and babbling along beds of stones into rivers meandering to this frigid fjord.

Yes, the water was indeed too cold to venture in for a swim, regardless of how inviting it's clear blue hue seemed. Yet the majesty of these surroundings captivated me, as it always has when i visit this glorious land. Who has placed these mountains here, who has made the rivers flow into deep fissions we name fjords? Is this all by chance or is it by divine design? Has it been created by a master sculptor, or is it a random result of cause and effect?

Midsummer night, the sun falls behind the mountains but does not completely set, twilight remains throughout the night. The villagers and guests gathered for the unveiling of another masterpiece, this one a sculpture made by human hands. "Jonsok" the artist calls it, a Norwegian word for a midsummer bonfire. This gleaming red metal structure was to represent a bonfire, and now stands at a point at the end of the fjord. To my eyes, this sculpture somehow failed to represent a true bonfire, and yet i thought -what man made creation can compare with God's creation?

The real Jonsok, a burning fire, the art of it's beauty as it's Creator has conceived, cannot be replicated by man.  It's the master artist's design, and any attempt to create a duplicate or representation will always dim in comparison.

I was left wondering about this "Jonsok" sculpture, was the artist happy with the final result? From what i understood, other people and companies actually built the sculpture from the artists design. She never put her hands on the material, the metal as it was bent into the the shape she designed, since she was far way in California, sending instructions by e-mail. Was the end result a fulfillment of what she had conceived in her mind?

What happens when the master artist's design does not stay in tact from conception to reality? The mountains, the streams, the deep fjords, the flame of the original "Jonsok" burning by the waters, a creation of The Master Creator, flawless in His design. And standing in midst of this, a sculpture made by human hands, but not the hands of the artist as she was thousands of miles away. Was this artist's vision fulfilled? If it wasn't, she certainly didn't say.

I thought of us humans. We are also like sculptures, masterpieces, God's workmanship. So what happens when we are far from The Artist, perhaps thousands of miles from the Author of our life? Can we fulfill His vision, the conception of who He designed us to be? Or are we as a skewed man made sculpture, far from the author's perfect design?

The Scripture says, 'We are God's workmanship, created to do good works which He has prepared in advance' (Eph. 2:10). Like the sculpture and the artist, we can be either be a close replicate of what our Creator wants us to be, or an abstract sculpture, a distortion of the Author's design. As i sit here and wonder, i consider God's wonderful creation, and then consider man's. Can a comparison be made? Whatever we do on our own fades in comparison to God's design.

So as God's workmanship, are we focused on Him, are we as clay in His hands? Or are we bent into some abstract sculpture by people, a distorted image shaped by influences that surround us?

When the last blow births an embrace...

Sometimes life hits us hard. Broken relationships, lost aspirations, and shattered dreams. Disappointing events and people roll across our planned path. Despite our best efforts, our journey becomes thwarted by circumstances and people of both good and bad intentions. Few accept us as we are, many try to change our path or direction, some even skew what we say and do into something that's untrue. We are often misunderstood, misrepresented, misjudged and misled. At times it creates amusement, often inconvenience, in worse cases it be painful blows which knock us off balance and to the ground.

Loss of a job, deteriorating health, loss of a family member or loss of a friend, these all heavy loads to carry. But what do you do when the load becomes too much, when the blows of life hit you relentlessly. You struggle, you grapple, you ask the hard questions... why?? Where is God's protection? Where is His blessing? Have i been abandoned? And just as you begin to re-grasp God's love and trust in His goodness again, you are hit by the ultimate blow. That final blow where your faith is shaken to it's core, and you question all you have ever believed. A decision must be made, do you grapple on or turn away...

So many loose faith in the midst of hard blows. After a culmination of disappointments it only takes one more blow to stop hoping and believing. Sometimes we hide the fact our faith has faltered, that our expectations have not been met, our hopes and aspirations have been shattered. We move behind a facade of faith though our hope in God has crumbled. We seek something to hold on to, something to shore up this wall of faith while it's foundation's been eroded or washed away..

We lean on good friends, but sometimes friends and enemies are difficult to distinguish. Proverbs speaks about the kisses of an enemy, and the blows of a sincere friend. Some present themselves as a friend yet their motives are nothing less than personal gain. They take advantage when you're the most vulnerable, perhaps a Judas who betrays you for a handful of silver. He's no stranger, he's the one who you spent sweet fellowship with, the one who you broke bread with, the one who you trusted with your plans, the one who you trusted with your heart...

This type of dissapointment is often a breaking point. If you can't trust a close friend, who can you trust? And after a series of disappointments and unanswered prayers, is even God trustworthy? Why has our faith crumbled? Let me reemphasize that: Why has OUR faith crumbled?

If OUR faith is based on fulfillment of a plan, a dream, a hope or a desire, it's vulnerable to circumstances. Circumstances that don't meet our expectations or approval, circumstances that make us question if God is good at all. We break into a tantrum, rebellion, or quiet resignation. God was supposed to fill my life with all blessings, all things good, but He has failed me! Maybe He's rejected me, maybe i'm paying for a past or hidden sin...

Maybe,.. but maybe God's wooing us to deeper place. A place of understanding we haven't really understood, a place of freedom where we've shackled ourselves with chains of expectation and disillusion, a place of dependency not in our life vision, but in His grace. Perhaps it's a place where God wants us to embrace Him with all we have and the deep undeniable security of knowing all things will STILL work for good as He's promised in Romans 8:28. Not only when there are bumps or detours on the road, but also when we're broken down, out of fuel, and left with no hope or recourse... except Him.

Some say it's a dangerous prayer to ask God to grow our faith, and i must agree. It can become the most difficult test where many fail and walk away. But is our hope based on our circumstances, and our contentment on what we believe is good for us? Is it based on being able to see the path He has planned for us, or trusting him for the next step? I don't think any of Christ's disciples would have kept going had they known what awaited them. Nor would we. Keeping the faith in the deepest valley, not seeing any path or road that might lead you to the mountaintop, yet maintaining Shalom, the peace that surpasses understanding with the assurance that God will lead still you there again.

It takes a full embrace to keep going. It's not just wishful thinking that fades at the first obstacle or a hope that crumbles. A full embrace is more than holding one's hand, more than grasping the edge of His cloak or the end of a random rope. An embrace is never one sided, but two. This embrace is holding on to God while He holds on to you. An embrace exemplifies love and security. There is nothing that can harm you when you are embraced by the arms of God. He will carry you through the darkest valley, just as He will care for you in green pastures (psalm 23). He is loving, He is caring, and that He is good. But we can only receive His embrace when we embrace Him in the midst of our deepest valley. Only then can He take us to the mountaintop again.

Contagious Smile :)

They say a smile is contagious, that your smile can make another person smile. A smile can be welcoming, a frown is much less approachable.

I always wondered about that 'keep smiling' attitude of Americans. In some ways it seems so fabricated. Wherever you go, be it to a shop, restaurant or an event, people tend to smile a lot. Is it that they have no worries, or are in denial of the problems they face? Maybe. Or perhaps it makes facing problems and issues of life a more positive experience.

There's an interesting videoclip on TED about smiling and what it does to us and others. Even a fabricated smile can positively effect our mind and thought patterns. It seems a mystery that movement of certain facial muscles can have such a dramatic effect on us and others. But perhaps that's how God has created us, so smile in the midst of trials and adversity can lift the spirits of ourselves as well as others.

Sure, there is a time to weep and mourn, but even in the midst of loss, a sincere smile can brighten a gloomy soul. Years ago i looked at a study of where the happiest people live (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/3157570.stm). Interesting that the place highest on the list was an African nation. The US was also relatively high along with Scandinavian countries. According to this study, some of the unhappiest people lived in Eastern Europe (hmm,.. i've noticed they don't smile so much, do they?).

Now how much does smiling have to do with our happiness? In all my travels, the friendliest smiling people i have met have been in the US, Scandinavia, and India of all places! I've never been to Africa, so i cant comment there, but it's interesting that a smile is not related to our standard of living. Perhaps a true smile is more an indication of our contentment. And just maybe that smile is developed by our posture of amazement...

Amazement? Just look at the smile created as a child discovers something new! Maybe we should be more amazed at how blessed we really are, and not taking the gifts of life for granted. Perhaps we should be more content, not with the things we have, but the relationships we enjoy. Happiness and contentment is based much more on relationships, both with our fellow person and with God, than it is about what we acquire or achieve. There's nothing like the smile of a truly happy and content individual. But even when a smile is fabricated, it does have a positive effect on ourselves as well as others. Isn't it amazing how God has created us to respond to a smile?

To quote someone who served and lived a life of amazement in one of the poorest places on our planet:

"I will never understand the good a simple smile can accomplish"
- Mother Teresa

So, share a smile with someone today!
:)

The day the music lived and died

I never did like practicing piano, and whenever i did i wandered off in playing my own small creations. Every week, jsut 2 hours before piano lessons i franticly practiced the music i had neglected during the week, only to have the teacher blast me for not practicing. There wasn't much positive affirmation from my parents either, often being re-blasted my mom. I had enough of it, so i gave up the piano at the age of 17.

My sister inherited our family piano which i seemingly had no interest in. Yet in my early 20's something began to draw me to it again. Whenever i found a piano, i looked for private opportunities to quietly play. There was a kind of theraputic effect in having my fingers flow across the keyboard. I would almost never play to audience, somehow i felt my talent was never good enough to share.

Life draws us to do things, sometimes strange things. Maybe i should say it is actually love which draws us. My longing to play the piano grew exponentially when i fell in love, and the music in me took on life of it's own. The piano would draw me for hours, my fingers flowing effortlessly along the keyboard as the sound resonanted with my heart. It was as if the music of my heart and the piano melted into one.

Something happened when my aspirations for love were thwarted. My focus changed. Suddenly substitutes replaced what truly moved my heart. Things and accomplishments became more important in finding my value and purpose. People often find substitutes for true love. Often it's work and carreers, sometimes material things or fleeting pleasures, often it's new relationships that are not based on true love. We quickly make pragmatic and emotional decisions to fill the painful void. When i look back at how things changed, what i notice the most is how the music died. Hope faded as if i was seeking something unattainable, irreplaceable and elusive. And the deep longing a famous U2 song voices so well: 'I still haven't found what i'm looking for...'

But what do you do when you've found what you're looking for and loose it? Maybe it was due to foolish mistakes, maybe due to a lack of recognition. There cannot be a more hollower feeling. Yet so many people experience this. Is there anything that can replace a lost love? Is there anything that can bring back the music again? Anything that can fill the deep void?

I believe there are two main voids in most people's lives. One can be filled only by God, the other by one special person. Yet we create substitutes for both. We fill the God shaped void with things, activities or people, just as we fill the person shaped void with people or activities that just don't fit. Yet the void remains, and cries to be filled.

There's an order to these voids. Filling these voids in our own way and understanding can never satisfy. The biggest void need to be filled first. That means getting things right with our Creator. The God void must be filled first. Only then can we gain the perspective and insight to fill that special person void. True love is not a decision a made consciously or subconsciously, it is a gift from above. And this gift can be only given by God when we have things right with Him. Otherwise our vision becomes skewed and we cannot make right judgements or decisions. And the biggest tragedy would be our attempt to fill our God void with a person. No human being can ever fill such a hole.

So where does the music begin again? It's when we begin to find what we're looking for. It's where our longing is being filled. It's where true love is created, first towards our Creator, then towards one special person. Have i found what i'm looking for? The answer is both yes and no. But the music has begun to live again, the more i focus on my God and Creator.

Storms...

Storms can be quite destructive. Over the past week i've been amazed by the storms that have caused incredible damage and loss of life across the US. Hurricane force winds, tornadoes uprooting trees and demolishing homes. This morning the count was close to 200 dead in Alabama alone.  I was talking with a friend last night who was quite close to the tornadoes, and worried about not being able to reach a friend by phone..

I wonder about storms, how do you explain those that destroy? It almost seems like nature is taking a vengance on humankind, or perhaps God bringing judgement as a sign of the end times... Or perhaps it's just life living on a restless planet.. But as destructive as storms may be, perhaps they can also bring some good..

As storms can make trees stronger, or destroy them completely, so can the storms of life. They say what won't kill you makes you stronger, not sure if i agree with that statement completely. The force of a good strong wind can increase strength as we press against it, but what do you do when an unexpected storm blows you to the ground? No way to resist, the storm just tears everything around you away, your shelter, your belongings, your loved ones...

What do you do when you've lost everything like those folks in Alabama yesterday? Three days ago they had no worries, no way of knowing or preparing for the destruction that was about to unfold. Today many are homeless, some have lost their loved ones, some have lost it all. the feeling of despair must be overwhelming.

Where's God in all this? How can He fix such destruction? The amazing thing is that He can! I'm not necessarily talking about homes and belongings, but he's in the business of restoring lives that have been ravaged by storms. It may not be tornadoes or hurricanes, but thoughout the world many lives and families have been ravaged by others, or sometimes the damage has been self inflicted. The pain and loss may not be any less than the aftermath of a tornado. But there is always hope, always a chance to rebuild on a stronger foundation, with stronger walls and firmer footing. Rebuilding lives is not only about fixing houses and cleaning up the landscape, it goes much deeper. Let us not only look at fixing the outside, but take the opportunity to reach and help people on the inside, to be tools in the hands of God who is a specialist in the human restoration business..

7 day friends

(initially posted 10 March 2011)

We all have different types of days in our journey, some good, some not so good, some are days of victory, some days seem like complete losses, and days full of joy or full of sorrow. Have you ever tracked your friends, looked where they are in relation to you during good and bad days, and for that matter where you are in relation to them in their times of joy and sorrow?

This morning i read a passage from the book of Job. I stopped to look at what Job's friends did when he was going through a rough time in his life. Three friends from different places, dropped all they were doing and came to see Job as soon as they received news of the disaster that had beset him.

Didn't these friends have their own responsibilities, things to do, and important business to look after? What motivated them to come, to leave their business, home and families to visit a friend in need?

True friendship. They understood the eternal value of relationships. What amazed me more was the fact that these friends did not initially offer any assistance to restore the loss or try to make things right. They came, tore their clothes, sat with Job, and in solidarity took on his sorrow. They didn't comfort him for a few hours or a day, but for a full week!

The scripture says they spoke no words during these 7 days. It seems they grappled with the situation which seemed to have no logic or reason. How often do we come across friends like this? How often are we a friend like this to others? Do we have time to mourn with our friends in their time of need? Or do we only come when there's something to rejoice about? Or perhaps come to give a quick word of (often inappropriate) advice, a pat on the back and run off to do our own thing.

No doubt Job's friends knew how to rejoice and celebrate for 7 days. It was not uncommon to have a 7 day party in those days, be it to celebrate a birth, a wedding or soem other occasion. A lot more friends attends parties than wakes. But it takes a special friend to sit with you through 7 days of difficulty.

Job's friends knew that one day was not enough to comfort, or even assess the situation. In this case it seems that even 7 days didn't suffice to form a proper assessment. Only after assessing the situation for a full week, Job's friends spoke. They were by no means quick to offer advice, and they still got it wrong! Wow!

American indians had a saying: Never judge another unless you have walked a mile in their moccasins. You see we never can completely understand what another is experiencing, so we should slow to criticize or offer advice. Now advice is good, but it should be presented in a way that does not alienate relationships. So often we draw conclusions which are so wrong!

A true friend is born in adversity. Adversity shows who a true friend is. Regardless of what advice Job's friends gave, they were friends he could count on not for just one day, but all 7 days of the week.

All I Need

We often think about what we need to be content in life, be it wealth, friendships or family. Though we all need these things, how we define wealth, friendship and family is often where we experience the most discontentment.

Some dream of having increasing income or winning the lottery, while others wish they had closer friends or a more loving family. We often believe a change in outside factors will bring us happiness. Have we been conditioned to believe our environment is what makes us happy and content? Does it?

No doubt our environment influences our emotions among other things. When you're bank account is empty and you have bills to pay, when a close friend abuses your trust, or a family member turns his back on you it's hard to be happy. But in the midst of the turmoil, have you ever considered that perhaps we have been given all we need to be content in life?

Consider Paul, an apostle of Christ who endured hardship, trials, rejection, ailments, stated in Philippians 4:12: 'I know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want.' NIV

How did Paul come to learn contentment as he describes? Surely he experienced rejection, abuse and loneliness. Does he say that he was happy? No, Paul realized that there was a difference in being emotionally happy and internally content. Paul learned to accept the circumstances of life as part of the tools God used to form him into who he became. If it wasn't for the combination of the very difficult events which formed him, Paul would not be the same Paul as we know him.

There is a danger in wishing for 'better' circumstances, wealth, friends or family. If things go too well, isn't there a tendency for us to become self-reliant and proud? We should instead realize that our lives are in the hands of the master craftsman. Not only this, but to understand our lives are not our own, that our lives are meant to be given, first to God and then to our neighbors. We are to love God first and love our neighbor as ourselves. Being self-centered around our own goal of happiness will never bring contentment. Seeking to serve and help others is a key to finding true contentment.

Actually we have all we need, we have all we need to serve others. Serving others is almost never dependent upon circumstances or having a certain amount of money. It's all about our attitude, and willingness to help a person in need. This brings a contentment money cannot buy, friends cannot produce or our families can ever give. God's forming us through trials, difficulties and neediness. Only when we understand that have been given all we need, can we become content as we share what we've received with others.

A blogger's long vacation...

Well, it's been months since i made my last blog post. Some of you may be wondering if that car i bought in November got the best of me, but no the car has performed almost flawlessly. So you wonder where have i been...?

November brought the start of my 'hibernation', not that hibernation was in my plans. My plans were quiet the contrary, i had plans for work and travel, but a mystery illness took me off my feet. Literally! Was it not for modern day medicine i may have been left without my left foot, or perhaps even worse. Hopping around on my right foot in and out of the hospital, hooked up on intravenous antibiotics was not what i considered much fun, though i did try to make the experience as amusing as possible.

After the drawn out medical treatment, my foot seemed to be healed but something still didn't feel right,.. that is I did not feel right. Was it side effects from the antibiotics, or was there something else, something the doctors may have missed? Something just didn't add up. Kinda depressing when you know there's something wrong with you but you don't know what's wrong with you...

The past couple of months has brought me back between the walls of hospitals and clinics with medical specialists poking, proding at me from different angles. And more interesting symptoms appearing by the week, with the doctors trying to solve the riddle like a Hitchcock mystery. An if the the last investigator's theory is right, i may have to see the sharp end of a scalpel soon.. Let's hope and pray it doesn't lead to that.

Trying to keep up with blogging, or even writing e-mails in the midst of all this has been challenging. Residing between different walls with varied communication options, feeling much like one who's being led by forces out of my control. But i guess there's One who still has things under control...

So as i try to wake up from this unplanned 'hibernation', i'll try to catch up on life again. If only i could get on top of the hundreds of unread emails, i think i'd feel much better.