Trust and friendship

Trust is an undivisable part of all our life relationships. Whether it's friends, family or business partners, trust remains the prime pillar that holds us together. Trust can been damaged and then restored as i have thankfully experienced on several occasions. It always begins with forgiveness and grace, which sometimes can can be quite difficult in itself. I'm thankful for my friends and family who have had the grace to forgive my inappropriate words and actions time and time again. But forgiveness and grace is only one side of the trust equation. While forgiving another is liberating, grace and forgiveness can only be fully imparted when there is an act of repentance by the one who broke the trust relationship. This is often the more difficult side of the equation, as it requires an sincere act of humility.

At times we all stumble and make foolish selfish decisions, that undermine other's trust in us. Mostly we come to our own senses, and have the wisdom and humility to repent of our ways. The danger is when our pride and selfishness overpower our ability to be humble and repent. An unrepentant heart becomes cold, callous and manitulative, looking only for the the good and profit of oneself. An unrepentant heart will quickly destroy pillars of trust, for personal gain. Friendships are no longer true, but become tools to fulfil our own desires and needs. Friends are used for nothing more than personal gain.

I have experienced too many 'friendships' like this. Friends whom i have trusted have abused my trust for their own profit. A parasitic additude, to reap benefits where they have not earned it, to live off the hard earnings of others. Unfortunately this additude is starting to prevail more and more in today's society. It's made it so difficult to trust new friends and business partners. So how does one choose relationships? And how does one end relationships that are parasitic?

There are many scriptures that describe friendship. Proverbs 27:5-6 gives a clear picture of a true friend vs a pseudo-friend:

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses." (NAS)

This scripture implies that a friend that constantly says nice words and compliments us, is not friend but an enemy. Oh, how painful and true this is. Recently I have become more suspicious of people who adress me not by my name, but the word 'friend'. It's as if they need to reaffirm their relationship with me, though their understanding of the term 'friend' is far from it's true meaning.

A true friend is honest, and doesn't maintain the friendship with just flattering words. A true friend can be brutally honest, repremand and 'wound' us, not for their own gain but for our good. A friend is not consumed by his own intrest and agenda, but has a sincere desire to help and to heal. To quote one of my facebook friends; 'A person wrapped up only in himself makes a very small package'

A true friend wraps himself into the lives and intrests of his friends, not so much in himself. I think a great example of this is David and Jonathan, as Jonathan looked out for the wellbeing of his friend David, who was being unrightfully hunted by King Saul. Through adversity David and Jonathan's friendship became closer than a brother's.

'A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity' Psalm 17:17

A true friend can be trusted, even in difficult times. A friend, brother or business partner who may seem faithful and honest in good times, may change his face in times of adversity. Real trust is built or broken in times of adversity. It is then when you recognise the 'kissing enemy', he is the one who uses, abuses and abandons you at the hour of your greatest need.

So be wary of the 'many kisses of a friend'. Although their words may be appealing, the one who confronts us with hard truth may be our true friend. He is the one who can be trusted and will stand by our side even when the cost is high for themselves. I'm so thankful for the 'Jonathans' in my life, friends who remain faithful and true, even in the deepest darkest hour.