This morning I had a small car accident, rear-ended a small VW as it started to make a right turn. As I was checking to my left to see if there were any cars coming, he suddenly braked and on the rain-slicked road I couldn't quite stop in time. Needless to say I wasn't pleased with myself, started kicking myself for being so careless. As we got out of the cars to examine the damage, I was relieved to see only our licence plates were slightly bent and his licence plate frame was cracked.
I quickly took responsibility for the accident, and the young fellow who was driving seemed to be calm at first. A lady passenger also got out of the car, who quickly started to accuse me of being an incompenent driver. I apologized again, but the lady said the apology doesn't cut it, and just kept on ranting about my carelessness and suggested that if I don't know how to drive I should restrict my travelling to public transit. I apologized again, clearly taking the blame, but she just continued digging into me, with a mission to make me feel worse than I already did.
Once the lady had calmed down, the driver and I had a civilized conversation, I agreed to compensate for the damage as it was so minor (the licence plate frame costs about 200kr, about $20), I offered 500kr but then he started to demand much more. I said if he values the damage higher, we'll run it through insurance. He quickly changed his mind and accepted the 500 since it was more profitable than running such a small thing through insurance.
The fellow's desire to pocket some extra money I can understand (he probably won't bother fixing it and just keep the cash). The ranting lady was a bit more difficult to comprehend. What was it that triggered her response, and why didn't she calm down after I took responsibility? Why was it so important to her to make me feel worse, even after I apologised?
I'm guessing a lack of grace in her life, perhaps low self esteem. In fact I've seen many people act this way (sometimes even myself), some in a more subtle way than others. We tend to evaluate our self worth by deeds and actions, comparing them to the actions of others. What exactly is the standard we measure ourselves by? Is our identity based on the need to be better than others? Does this motivate us to improve ourselves, or does it motivate us to disprove others to make us feel better than them?
Grace is such an amazing thing. To be accepted just as you are, with all the faults, mistakes, blemishes and screw-ups in our lives. I really love the idea of grace, because I've been pretty good at messing things up in my life. But on many occasions I've become hesitant in admiting my faults to others, fearing responses that come from something other than grace. Even this morning, for a moment I thought about blaming them for the accident, for braking suddenly after they had entered the intersection. I could have tried to make them feel bad, and for a fleeting moment I might have felt better, more justified, more in control.
What if there was no measuring stick that compares us to others? What if we would accept and forgive others just as they are? I'm not talking about ignoring resposibility, but to allow others to fail and recieve our grace without any of our strings attached. Grace has two parts, to receive it you need to admit your failings and ask for forgiveness. This takes courage, especially when you don't know what response may come from others.
God's grace is the most amazing, we need not fear harsh words or actions when we are honest about ourselves. But if we try to justify ourselves, blame others for causing our "accidents" grace just does not come. We need to remove the "if you didn't" or "if you weren't" from our vocabulary and acknowledge our failings.
The blaming game never makes anyone feel better. I could blame the rain, slippery road, the other driver, or the car itself for the accident. I could blame my parents, my friends, my school, my church for the way my life has gone and how I behave. Yes, each factor has it's effect in producing the result, but this does not resolve the situation. At the end of the day we ourselves have failed and we are the ones who need to receive grace.
Yes, we all need grace.
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