Friend consumption

Consumption. The world seems to be driven by it. The basics; shelter, food and clothing are universal and elementary needs. But it's our wants that really drives consumption, be it for designer clothes, fancy cars, luxurious houses, things that are clearly beyond our basic needs. We seek to 'improve' our lives with selfish acquisitions of goods and services.

Friendship.. we all need friends. But how do we define friendship? Is it by the same principles and values we base our consumption on? Is a friend only to meet my needs, wants and desires? How is it we evaluate our friends? How do we define friendship? Do look to friends to meet our needs be it material or emotional, or do we enjoy friendship on a mutual journey of discovery?

TW Manson has stated:
"Love does not begin by
defining its objects,..
it discovers them." 


True, friendship should indeed have an element of love. The scriptures say that without love, any deed we do is dead. Without love, without a heartfelt interest in a friend's wellbeing, we're just friend consumers, seeking what our 'friend' can do for me. So easily it becomes not a journey of mutual discovery, but a treasure hunt of personal gain. Our friends are those whom we can consume.

In Estonia there's a saying: 'An estonian's favourite dish is another estonian.' Sadly, this statement is so often true in many places, not only Estonia. Friendships based on consumption are doomed from the start. On the rare occasion where mutual benefit can be found, these 'friendships' may flourish for a time, but as soon as one party looses their benefit (or saps empty the other) the friendship quickly dissolves...

Love is the basis for true friendship. The love of a brother or a friend builds and strengthens relationships. Friends like these are hard to find. So where does one begin:..?

Perhaps by being a non-consuming friend, though this does make us painfully vulnerable. I know this all too well. Wisdom is needed to make the right choices, selection of friends. A friend who often reminds you that he's a friend may be suspect. A true friend does not need to remind or assure us of his friendship with words. His friendship should be apparent from his interest and actions, not words.

True friendship is actually a path of discovery. Time, openness and acceptance are three keys.  A true friend does not try to change a friend for his purposes, but seeks to find a deeper purpose to grow the relationship, not as an asset but as an endless journey of discovery. For a friendship based on discovery will never cease to grow.