June blues, Summer tunes.

As far as i can remember, June has been a tough month for me. Over the past decade or two I've wondered and analyzed why i experience this annual lull. Birthday depression syndrome is the first thing that comes to mind -which is where one looks back upon his/her life and senses disappointment of unmet goals or dreams. 

However, this is not what i've experienced. My struggle dates back long before i could express any disappointment over the progress of my life. Perhaps in my youth, the disappointment of not being born into a stable family may have contributed, but moreso an underlying feeling of unworthyness, or put more bluntly worthlessness. 

Before i go any further, this feeling has almostly completely subsided over the past 5 years, as being married to a wonderful wife and a growing family my life is filled with more maning than ever. 

The more i've analyzed the triggers and underlying insecurities i've dealt with in the past, and have come to the conclusion the source of this depression dates back to my conception. I was an unexpected and unwanted child, the key reason my mother (in her own words as she often ranted) married my father. 

I do believe much of our emotional make-up and wellbeing begins its development within the womb.

To be continued..