Performance trap

Saturday i accompanied my wife to a Sunday school reunion. There were many people i didn't know, some i was acquainted with, and others whom I've worked with in ministry or been close friends with years ago. 

A couple of these old acquaintances threw me a bit off, by the way they greeted me. One, whom with close to 30 years ago shared our hearts with one another, gave a superficial greeting, not even asking how i'm doing or how life has been. The last time we sat down and talked was about 5 years ago, but not about anything personal, but what was for him a possible business opportunity -which i turned down for multiple reasons. I don't know if he's become more superficial over the years, or taking a more judgemental view of others from what i perceive perhaps to be his broken vantage point.

The other fellow, whom i expected to be more personal in his approach to greeting me, never asked "how are you doing", but proceeded to ask "What are you doing these days?". It was immediately clear that he was assessing and valuing me by my performance and achievements, without taking any interest in how i am doing. I felt immediately uncomfortable with his questions, understanding which school of thinking has influenced his views and vantage points. I shared a sliver of what I've been doing but shared more on family, but then I asked how he is doing -to which he answered "fine". Our conversation quickly ended with that. He later shared with the larger group his achievements, without even mentioning his family or anything truly personal about his life.

Then a third fellow, who gave me the first taste of corrupt Estonian business culture some 20+ years ago -to date unresolved, greeted me very briefly, we exchanged hellos and that's about it. However, in the larger group he shared from his heart, about his recollections of Sunday school, indiscretions of his youth and even offered an apology for some of his childhood antics. At the end he struck me as being more sincere than these other two fellows who seemed to display themselves as more ambitious and perhaps more righteous.

I don't want to judge, I'm the last to be qualified to do that, but it all caused me to think of what we value most in this life. One speaks what is in one's heart. One's heart is where their treasure is. So what these people said, spoke a lot about their hearts.

I'm not saying we shouldn't work hard, achieve and perform. Of course it's a necessary part of life.  But what is it that our heart is focused on? What are the words we greet others with? Are we more interested in hearing about achievements rather than hearing about the individual, his heart, his vision, his troubles, his concerns. Do we avoid heart topics with others - or worse ourselves, by hiding behind the performance trap?