the dreamer I've been created to be

Remember as a little kid in school, looking out the window and dreaming? Come to think of it, as an adult I still often do...

I now acknowledge the fact that I am a dreamer, and it is God who specifically created me this way. I love to take time alone, to think, listen, and simply dream in the beauty of creation that surrounds me. Yet in my busy life I've so often failed to find the time to enjoy the view and dream. During my more hectic days, I became totally oblivious to the many treasures that surrounded me, the sounds, the pictures, gifts of God to bless and guide us along our journey.

In my youth I found plenty of time to dream, perhaps more than many. For me this time didn't come without a struggle, it mostly came out of a struggle, often running from home and wandering the streets of Toronto till the wee hours of the morning. I won't get into the details of my home life, but as a teen wandering for hours gave me time to ask and listen and dream. These were times when I searched deep within my soul, times when in anguish I cried out to God, times when I dreamed of a more blessed future. I sometimes wonder if this time of deep searching which deprived me of sleep and study was more valuable than the what I would have gained from studying and excelling in school (which until university I never really did). Perhaps God allows difficulties to develop so we'd take time to search deep and dream again.

As through the struggles of this past year, when I lost just about everything including my health. For years I was running in a rat race, business ventures in several countries, my time and energy being consumed quicker than could be replenished. Something was going to give and eventually did, first my dreaming, then creativity, and finally my health. It became a struggle to find time, peace and rest I needed to dream again. A costly struggle that finally forced me to make a full stop, and I'm so glad I did.

Looking back at the past 3-5 years of my overstressed life I've noticed my ability to dream has been suffocated and creativity squashed. Just needed to re-read my journals and it become abundantly clear that speed does not produce creativity, burdens do not bring productivity. I used to think that I produced more under pressure, and the less time I have the quicker I get things done. Yes, it may be true that I get things done under a tight deadline, but I'm certainly not more productive in what I do. In fact I make more mistakes and unwise decisions under pressure, mostly due to suffocating my creative thinking.

There's clearly a part of me which thrives on creativity. When I compose a poem or flow with a melody on the piano, wonderful things happen within me. A sense of joy, peace and satisfaction deep within the soul. When we create something beautiful, we are doing exactly what in God's image we were created to do. We were created to be creators, and anything that takes away from our ability to dream and create is contrary to God's intent. What should we do when every moment of every day is busy, filled with activities and responsibilities that deprive us of the time and ability to dream?

I am a dreamer and have always been. When I dream I thrive.
I must take time to dream, for my most creative and inspiring thoughts come from my times of dreaming.