the bear that changed my day

(this post is being updated as I reflect back on this day)

I decided to spend a quiet day alone today to reflect and pray, took a bicycle and rode down to the other end of the lake along a gravel road. As i was quietly riding, absorbed by the beauty of nature, occasionally there would be a bird that would be startled by me approaching. But as I was riding slowly up one hill, an unusual grunt from between the trees startled me. I looked, about 20-25 meters from me was a bear staring right at me, apparently I had startled it first. My heart stopped for a moment, the only thought in my head was "Nice bear, please stay there.." Trying not to make any sudden movements I continued to pedal uphill, looking back occasionally, but I could no longer see the bear.

Needless to say, i was feeling quite uneasy after the encounter. Since this was a pretty secluded road, I started to make much noise, not sure if it was the wisest thing to do to distract potentially dangerous wildlife. At first I was ringing the bell and praying out loud, a bit later I started singing. Of course it was hard to sing while huffing and puffing from a fairly vigerous bike ride, my voice became quite harsh and weak.

How did this encounter changed my initial plan to spend a quiet day in meditation? All of a sudden my fucus was dictated by fear and not peace. No, I didn't pend every minute in fear praying for protection, but I was accutely aware of a looming danger, regardless of how real or unreal the danger was. I did not feel at ease or at peace.

I made it clear to myself that the chance of seeing the bear a second time is two million to one, so I boldly started to cycle back. Well my boldness and courage was short lived, as I started worrying about startling the bear again, or worse encountering a pack of wolves that might see me as an easy catch peddling or limping slowly uphill (my knee was giving me some trouble again). Fear eventually got the best of me, and I took out my phone and asked someone to pick me up.

There was some excitement when i got back to the base, told my bear story about a dozen times. I was still not as calm as I could be for a "quiet prayer or devotion" until the next day.

So my question now is, what are these 'bears' or encounters that excite us and cause us to refocus? are they good or bad? What can we learn about ourselves in these encouters?

to be continued...