This past week has been hard. For many reasons, each June i tend to feel a bit down, but this year has been more difficult than most. Perhaps the rainy weather has something to do with it, or the disapointing visit with an old friend last Tuesday, or all the other problems i've faced, something has saddened me deep within.
As i approach each birthday, i give myself a tough assessment of where i'm at in life. I know this habit comes from my upbringing, as i tend to be very hard on myself, critical of the things i could and should have done differently along the way. How often i wish i could turn back time to redo things, but i can't...
Mistakes are interesting things, we tend to repeat them. None of us want to, but sometimes we just don't learn so quickly. As i repeat my mistakes, i keep kicking myself and kicking myself until i'm so bruised and tired i can barely move. Has this 'discipline' helped me? Do i need to be reminded of my failures? Am i more motivated after the beating, or do i crawl back into my shell?
This past weekend i was a shell-dweller, didn't want to celebrate or see anyone. Since i don't like being pitied, i've drawn a happy face :) on my shell for others to see. Many friends sent nice but superficial birthday greetings, others were more heartfelt wishes that brought me a smile. One friend even invited me out, since i had no other plans made.
I reluctantly agreed, but with a warning that i'd be lousy company. Regardless how down and critical i felt about myself, this dear friend would keep finding something positive to say about me. Not just words to cheer me up, but genuine positive attributes that i had forgotten long ago. These words lifted me, and seemingly lightened my load.
Trying to lift me these days is like trying to lift a ton of bricks. As we walked, I suddenly realised that each positive word was lifting one brick from my heavy load. I certainly wasn't floating in the air the next day, but the load seemed much lighter.
Our words are like bricks. Some add bricks, others remove them. It's also much easier to lift a brick from someone else's back, than to lift one from our own. Rarely can we lift the entire weight, but with a good word we can lighten someone's load,.. brick by brick.
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