The price of friendship

I visited an old friend today, one of my trusted friends 5 years ago, a friendship with a history of over 13 years. It was good to see him again, and the visit gave me a mixed feeling of gladness that he is doing well. We had dinner, sauna and long talk into the evening, and although we both acted very positive i felt there was an invisible wall, a familiar warm connection was missing.

I departed a bit unsettled, wondering what barrier is between us? I speculated that it may be due to an old business venture that didn't go well, or his old unfilled promise to repay a debt, or perhaps my own envy that he is doing financially well while i am struggling. Perhaps a sense of disapointment in him or perhaps even in God. At first the answer seems deeply hidden almost like i need to search far within to find the real answer.

Our perception of things is not always clear. I thought perhaps i don't see how things really are, as i felt old wounds were being stirred. Though i consider myself a giving and forgiving person, there are some lines when crossed that can change friendships forever. Forgiveness comes much easier than (re)building friendship and trust.

Trust neeeds a foundation. I've blindly trusted many 'good christians' only to find myself robbed and stripped clean. Clear violations of trust must be dealt with accordingly. But when a friend whom i have had a solid relationship with, leaves a promised debt unpaid believing 'it's just water under the bridge after all these years'. What he is actually standing on is a dam in our friendship, not a bridge of restoration.

The main issue isn't at the money, it's the principle of a promise. Had he asked for the debt to be erased, it would be different and i may have obliged. But to just write it off without asking, is in effect writing off the friendship. And a lost friendship hurts a hundred times more than any amount of money.

Friendships do have a cost. In the scriptures, Paul admonishes us to count the cost of what we do, building a tower, be it a house, business or empire. What are we building with? Are we building with our friends to take joy in it together, or are we using 'friends' as tools and assets in our hands? So how do you answer this question one popular song presents: 'what are friends for?' It seems we often value what 'friends' can give us more than who they are. As much as i would like for this friendship to be restored, he needs to consider how he values our friendship and consider the cost of his tower.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not asking cash for friendship. It only takes an honorable act of humbleness that leads to restoration. Forgiveness is easier, trust and restoration takes an act.