Most would agree that common denominator of the "fulfilling substance" we all seek for is Love. From Mother Teresa to radicalized suicide bombers, we all have a skewed idea of what this love is and how to obtain it. Giving all we have to the poor in exchange for grace, to performing radical violent acts in hope of achieving some kind of eternal lustful bliss, displays a demented spectrum of beliefs regarding love.
So what is true love? We often say we "love" something or someone. I "love" classic cars, some more than others. I "love" my friends, also some more than others. I "love" my career, business, house, etc.. yet all these statements give a skewed view of the term "love", more often than not a selfish and unfulfilling view of love.
Society claims we have progressed beyond slave keeping, addressed woman's rights, living now in a more just society compared to previous generations where workers were treated as servants and spouses were viewed as property. Has society really progressed to a point where we love and respect each other better, or is this just a self-serving illusion and mass deception?
As a former employer, i know how easy it is to look at employees as servants or slaves for the purpose of achieving my goals, to attain a profitable bottom line. As much as i could, I tried to develop a personal caring relationship with my employees and business colleagues. Without a genuine concern for their personal wellbeing, they could have easily become disposable "servants and slaves" if they did not achieve my business goals. The same holds true for most employees, who statistically rarely commit to one employer for more than a few years. I'm sincerely grateful my employees were mostly faithful in character.
Again, i loved my business, but when it became overwhelming and did not serve my health interest, it regrettably became disposable. There's been cars i've loved, but disposed of simply because it no longer worked out for me. This extends to cell phones, clothing, sometimes for need, at other times simply for sake of vanity. Today we throw away more things than any previous generation in history.
The idea of disposable relationships stems from a disposable philosophy developed mostly in during the 20th century. It's becoming harder to find a "servant" committed to his "master" or "master" to his servant, spouses staying together for better or worse, or selfless lifelong friendships as more people chose relationships based on self-serving benefits. Even divorce rates exceeding marriages. This has translated into a society that's become more transient and restless than ever, seeking to find that elusive substance to satisfy just one: ME.
They say love isn't love until you give it away. Seems like a selfless act, yet our human nature almost always expects something in return. We show love to receive love, or some kind of recognition or benefit. But if our love isn't reciprocated as we expect it to be, is it really love? Do we love our spouse as an "object" to meet our needs, or unconditionally and selflessly? And do we have the right to dispose of a love relationship when it doesn't meet our expectations? Does our skewed definition of love easily turn into animosity or hate?
I've said it before, I don't believe true love is something we choose or create ourselves. We as humans tend to choose what we perceive to be beneficial to us. How many of us have "fallen in love" only to be disillusioned or disappointed in the "object" of our affection? All too often our "love" fails -not so much because of the "object", but because of our selfish expectations.
Yet scripture says "Love never fails". Is the Bible is wrong, or do we as self-centered humans misconstrue what true love is? I can only speak from personal experience. At the age of 23, i experienced my first break-up with a girlfriend. Painful as it was, my initial response was to find another to love (someone to love me) to fill the void. Thankfully the relationship was short lived, since i soon realized the "love" i felt was self-serving, which could lead it to be disposed of in the future. Considering the pain i had felt and caused another, I vowed to never to allow any love relationship to become self-serving or disposable again.
It took another five years to grasp an understanding of what true love is. Even though the idea of true love and God's love was talked about in church, there was always some give and take, and expectation to receive something in return -whether it was spoken or implied. I think this is where most people, particularly churchgoers fail at love. Love is presented as a choice, which implies action in ourselves to create it. However, nothing could be further from the truth! In ourselves we can never create true or perfect love, for whatever we create will be flawed and self-serving.
"Love in itself is never a decision
for true love is always divinely given,
but what we do with what we've been given,
is nothing less than our own decision
I wrote this as a revelation some time after i had "fallen in love" again. This time it was much different. The love i experienced was a desire to be completely giving without expecting, protecting without self-preservation, sacrificial without selfishness; always covering, hoping and trusting for the benefit of -not the "object", but the soul of my affection. For the first time I truly loved someone more than my own breath, realizing this wasn't something i created in myself, but a love divinely given.
Having never experienced such love can be overwhelming, so i naturally sought wisdom and advice. Unfortunately, true love and grace gets screwed-up by religious practitioners, who all too often attach conditions to what God freely gives. The faithless advice i received pointed more towards her actions than grace, her past than our future, and my inadequacy rather than the power of true love. Similarly skewed views and advice influenced her. On numerous occasions she asked "why" i love her so. For true love there is no answer to "why", except that true love never fails -regardless of actions or expectations. Rather than fully grasping the depth and width of divine love and grace, our relationship became a casualty of a skewed conditional performance based faith, with devastating consequences to both our lives.
In an odd way, the experience was an amazing revelation of God's unconditional love towards me -something i had failed to fully grasp earlier in my journey. It also showed me that God orchestrates relationships, and the best unions are arranged by Him and not our own wisdom. But it took me on a painful -at times immensely dark 20 year wilderness search to find the love of my life again, while developing a deeper compassion for those who had been misled by a theology of conditional love. I know i was never meant to be alone, nor was it good for me to be, as i can confess it's crippling for such a man approaching middle age. My faith in God did not diminish, but inwardly my faith in a meaningful future did, though i kept a strong facade as i sought anything resembling devine love. In desperation i tried to recreate this love with a couple of gals, fooling even myself for a short while, but at the end hurting us both. I could never walk down the isle with any of these gals, since there was no way to reconcile the "love" i had created with what i once knew to be divinely given love.
Many told me i was stuck in the past, to just get over my long lost love and move on. While their case could possibly have been argued over the first seven to eight years -they were wrong, at the end true love was what my soul longed for and it would not compromise for anything less. By the Grace of God, i never folded to the pressure of compromise and true love eventually won.
It's true that God redeems what's been lost, but rarely as we expect Him to. Just as before, at a time and place i least expected it, true love showed up, and i'm now married to the most wonderful wife i could ever have imagined! This time i knew, without a shadow of a doubt, not to allow my fears or doubts instilled by any man to undermine a love that God had divinely orchestrated.
True love can never be fabricated or manipulated. It is a gift of God that can only be received humbly by grace, not with self-centered conditions and faithless actions which dimishes love to a disposable level. And divine selfless love is the only substance that can fill the void of our deepest longings and desires.
In an odd way, the experience was an amazing revelation of God's unconditional love towards me -something i had failed to fully grasp earlier in my journey. It also showed me that God orchestrates relationships, and the best unions are arranged by Him and not our own wisdom. But it took me on a painful -at times immensely dark 20 year wilderness search to find the love of my life again, while developing a deeper compassion for those who had been misled by a theology of conditional love. I know i was never meant to be alone, nor was it good for me to be, as i can confess it's crippling for such a man approaching middle age. My faith in God did not diminish, but inwardly my faith in a meaningful future did, though i kept a strong facade as i sought anything resembling devine love. In desperation i tried to recreate this love with a couple of gals, fooling even myself for a short while, but at the end hurting us both. I could never walk down the isle with any of these gals, since there was no way to reconcile the "love" i had created with what i once knew to be divinely given love.
Many told me i was stuck in the past, to just get over my long lost love and move on. While their case could possibly have been argued over the first seven to eight years -they were wrong, at the end true love was what my soul longed for and it would not compromise for anything less. By the Grace of God, i never folded to the pressure of compromise and true love eventually won.
It's true that God redeems what's been lost, but rarely as we expect Him to. Just as before, at a time and place i least expected it, true love showed up, and i'm now married to the most wonderful wife i could ever have imagined! This time i knew, without a shadow of a doubt, not to allow my fears or doubts instilled by any man to undermine a love that God had divinely orchestrated.
True love can never be fabricated or manipulated. It is a gift of God that can only be received humbly by grace, not with self-centered conditions and faithless actions which dimishes love to a disposable level. And divine selfless love is the only substance that can fill the void of our deepest longings and desires.
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